Floggings at noon

Law enforcement agencies in and around Plantersville, Texas have announced a crackdown aimed at suspected drunk drivers leaving the Texas Renaissance Festival the last two weekends in November. This festival, that celebrates an era that has absolutely nothing to do with the history of this great state, has slowly morphed into a beast attempting to eat the town of Plantersville.

A crowd of folks who play Dungeons & Dragons and World of Warcraft and walk around talking in lousy British accents would seem fairly harmless provided I'm not forced to attend; but the local constabulary has decided that the festival's attendees make the roads in and around the hamlet a bit too hazardous for the local folk.

To catch the drunken drivers, the number of patrol officers on this task will increase from 20 to 30. Roads with extra patrols will include Texas 249, Texas 105, FM 1774, FM 1488 and FM 1486.

"We will not have random security checkpoints for vehicles," Diepraam said. "but we will be stopping anyone who violates traffic laws."

Two BAT (Breath, Alcohol and Transport) vans from Houston and Montgomery County will be available to offer Breathalyzer tests on the spot. If the driver refuses, authorities will seek a search warrant and then transport the driver to Magnolia's police station where a nurse will be on standby to do a blood test.

And so, much as was the case with the Salem witch trials, the motorist who is pulled over for a random traffic violation will be subjected to trial by deed with the officer's unscientific opinion being the linchpin upon which his constitutional rights rest.